How to complete the procedure of making Späzle/german home-made noodles (successfully or otherwise):
Alternative 1: Go to southern germany or eastern france, and ask someone to do it for you.
Alternative 2: Do it yourself
Things you need:
A Retardedly Designed Späzle Grater (henceforth referred to as a "RDSG")
An infinite supply of happy thoughts (you will need them excessively)
A kitchen which will survive drowning in spilt paste.
At least 3 hands.
How to do it:
Mix everything, add an insufficient amount of salt.
Boil LOTS OF WATER. in a BIG POT.
Put the paste in the RDSG, put it over the pot, pull the RDSG back and forth to make the paste drop down in the water looking like sickly, mutated tadpoles.
Spill at least 50% of the paste onto the stove in the process. Utilize your supply of happy thoughts.
Let it boil "once or twice" (quote from the instructions you got with the RDSG)
Fry 8 meatballs.
Put on a plate. Eat. Regret not making any sauce.